You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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