Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
