We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
