I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
