If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
