I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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