what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
