My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
