his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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