Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize