first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
