there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
