omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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