whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
