if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
