my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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