Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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