you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
its liver damage thursday
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
