I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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