I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
