By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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