Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
