I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
