I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We need a shit load of segways right now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize