best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
