just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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