Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
