Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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