Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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