If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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