I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
