Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
