Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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