Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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