I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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