Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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