Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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