I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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