i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
