I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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