Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
