6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
