This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
