It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
