Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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