Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is classic penis vs brain.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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