the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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