so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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