Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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