george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
