He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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