That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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