Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
