It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
whose ass print is on the piano?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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