I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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