some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize