I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
