Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
