This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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