his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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