At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
