Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
