I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think people are normalizing furries
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
