remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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